Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Who I am

When it is all about me, I am selfish. When it is all about you, I am not myself.

I read a beautiful post a few days ago that touches on this. Of course it stayed with me because of it is relevant to my current situation. If you don't want to read the whole post here is a quote that I think sums it up "We end up honouring surface wants over the real life meat of who we are and the work that we do."-Schmutzie It has gotten to the point for me where I don't know what I truly want anymore. I have become so afraid of being who I am that it is a struggle of epic proportions to find what my heart wants.

What I want most is to be great. I grew up reading all these stories about epic adventures, and I wanted nothing more than to be the hero in one of those adventures. I wanted to save the world and all that jazz. I played all sorts of adventures with my dearest neighborhood friend. We would jump off tables trying to fly. We would play lord of the rings out in the backyard. And if one of us was acting too grown up we'd chastise each other for losing our imagination.

Somewhere along the way we drifted apart and I hid my imagination deep down inside of me. Too afraid to show it because it wasn't "proper". People don't want to be around the girl who takes jokes too far or says things that others don't understand. So now I have to learn to be a child again. Because my soul is aching to release the ideas that I've hidden away. 

So now I'm doing what my heart tells me and working on saving my school department, because this is my life and I deserve to try and help make things right.

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