Yet I am still focusing on negative things. I'm not asking for help when I need it. It is so difficult because while I am learning to independent I am dependent on others to help me learn, more so than others. Yet I have it so much better than others. I have done amazing things, and have been given amazing gifts. Yet I cannot always feel them. I'm working on it. I am working on a lot of things.
It is honestly to the point where I might be going to community college instead of university because of these issues. And yet even though sometimes school makes me miserable, I want to stay. I want to stay because of the program. I want to stay because I know I can do anything. I want to stay because happiness can be found anywhere if you know how to look. I can do this. I know it. It just takes a lot out of me. And I wonder why I am doing this.
What it comes to is I have to decide who I am and who I want to be. I can make this person. I am the only being that decides who I should and should not become. I get to make this choice. Nobody else. I get to do what is right for me. Nobody else.
So rather than hop me up on more drugs, I think that I am going to try and make a routine. One that revolves around my needs to relax and prepare for the day. Taking time out just to relax myself. And adhering to it. At first I was thinking I'd schedule the whole day, then I realized that was bonkers. I am ADHD and in college I need to have some freedom. So I've given myself three meditation periods through out my day. I'm going make it a ritual. A habit. Something that has meaning for me. Then hopefully I can handle the events of the day.
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