A Life In Question

It was cancer.

I'm still waiting for it to hit me.

Everything feels so normal. Until my body starts failing me.

The emotions start flooding me. I've always been emotional but now my emotions have gotten even stronger and my faulty thinking has gotten even more dangerous. I feel like I'm a super human. Everything I feel is like a wave, it hits me like a wall and all I can do is decide if I want to fight it or ride it out.

I look back on the past three years and I start to see my illness develop, you see it wasn't just cancer. I had an auto-immune disease that was attacking my thyroid but since my levels were fine nobody could figure out what was wrong until it possibly developed into cancer.

They say hindsight is 20/20 I feel like its even more than that. I see everything so clearly now. I can't regret it because there was nothing I could do. There is still nothing I can do, the world is pushing me forward but I need a break. I want to go out west again.

I'm not sure how I am going to get it, but I need a break from normal so I can get my life back on track.