Echoes

Sometimes I feel like all I ever hear is my exs name. Like some sort of broken record. Every step I take somebody brings him up. I'd be okay with if it wasn't for the fact that he is my best friend, I consider us equals, but everyone is always choosing him over me. It is hard for me, because in both his and my mind we are equals.

I feel like I can be open and a little bit cocky about this here because I'm not sure if I know any of the people here in real life. I'm damn good at what I do. I'm not the best. But hell I'm for sure baller. So watching my ex get ahead, mostly because of his gender, pisses me off. Pisses me off might even be a mild way off saying how I feel about the situation.

Even my roommate chooses him over me. What. The. Hell. I mean sure fine it is her life, I can deal with that. Its more that I'm left fighting to just survive and find a place for next year. And the only person that is trying to really help me is my ex. The person who I get to share most of my accomplishments with, we celebrate the small steps I make towards normalcy. And I am so glad and lucky to have him in my life.

Yet I don't want my world to revolve around him. I want my own life, and I've gotten myself most of it. And I love it. I am my own person. I am healing well. I've hit some road blocks, but I've gone through and I adore it.

Yet where ever I go I still here these echoes. Echoes of him. And it hurts, not because he is gone, but because I cannot escape what was. I am having trouble being something other than his girl to this world. And I hate it.