A Third Post, reflections

Okay so I have a twitter, some of you might know this, most of you probably don't. I looked up #trust30. I went out and read all the blogs I could that had that hashtag. Or whatever its called. I'm going to cheat a little and pull a bit of a Brandon Sanderson and write about what I was thinking when I wrote. I guess I took my own take on what story means. I feel like I should take a do over on my fifteen minuets. But this whole thing is about trusting yourself so I guess I did the right thing.
 I read all the beautiful stories people wrote, about themselves. Regret, love and thanks filled other peoples writings. Mine was all about fear and wanting to make an impact. On top of that it was written in third person. And of course my thoughts came to how I learned about this project, and if it was some sort of test.
As I quickly mentioned earlier, exboyfriend sent this whole thing my way. He hasn't been talking to me for weeks and all of a sudden I got this text telling me to check my email, he had signed me up for something. I was shocked and delighted when I found out that he hadn't subscribed me to some kind of weird porn service. That has been the last I've heard from him. It left me feeling confused. Why would he do something kind for me and then just leave me be. I wasn't sure how to proceed but proceed I did.
I wrote, I didn't write exactly about myself I wrote about somebody else trying to find meaning at the end of their days.
I feel like I failed a test. I feel like I don't deserve to trust myself. Like I suck as a writer and I should just delete my blog and walk away. I did just find an entry that was more like mine. But I tried to step outside of myself, I didn't think about the people I loved, I didn't think about what I wanted from life. I thought about some silly hipster type girl who wanted to leave her mark on the world. I still feel like I messed up. Like I didn't tell the right story.
I didn't tell the story of how I love ex very much. I didn't say how sorry I was that this was the end when the rest of my life looked so bright. I didn't say how I wouldn't be on the computer, I'd be in the car going to see him and praying that I wouldn't die on the way and crash the poor car. I didn't say how for fifteen minuets I'd stop giving a shit about what everyone else wants of me and do what I wanted to do. Even if it means that I'd be treated like shit in my last moments.
I feel like posting this is cheating. Like because I clicked the conformation email that I can't feel bad about what I wrote. Like I can't betray that hey I'm not anymore confident then before.