How to Study... Or Not

I am trying to study. It isn't working. Let me in a few(by a few I mean as many as it takes) steps.

#1. The room I'm in is messy. It is Boyfriends room, but the mess is mostly my fault.

#2. I want to clean the room. So I start looking around for ways to clean room, most of these take too much effort and guess work for me to accomplish.

#3. I read what I wrote above and I start freaking out about what a terrible human being I am. Since I can not even find the courage to clean my boyfriend's room since I've been hanging out here nearly constantly.

#4. So then I text Boyfriend freaking out over how stressed I am.

#5. I automatically wish I could unsend that text because it means that Boyfriend is going to be unnecessarily worried about me. Then he'll come back and be all aw and cuddly which will lead to...

#6. People getting upset that Boyfriend is acting like a boyfriend for me. Oh my gosh people acting like people in love somebody call the police.

#7. But instead of doing that I will just sit there and sulk over the future that hasn't happened yet, but has a decently high chance of happening.

#8. Then I will think what if I fail all my courses and have to drop out of college. Then I will have to leave Boyfriend for ever and I can't help him succeed and I'll just become some crazy woman who lives in the woods.

#9. So I open the document that is the study guide. I start thinking what if we don't have the midterm today because the teacher hasn't been here for close to three weeks. Poor Mr. Teacher I hope that he is okay.

#10. Why aren't I just reading this stupid thing. Why is it written like a therapy session with more questions instead of answers. Although this is just a stupid stereotype.

#11. Boyfriend hasn't texted me because he is in class so I start to worry about how he is doing in class because for all my laziness he is lazier then me at time.

#12. Then I look at the fact I've blogged 11, now 12 useless steps on how long it takes me to do something.

#13. Then I debate on if I should post this or not. Its not like a single person has read my blog, even though it's only existed for two hours. Come on internet somebody has to stumble across me.

#14. Then I wonder why I want to be internet famous, maybe it's cause it seems to be the only thing I can focus on, come on brain bring on the genius. You're worth so much more then typing away at a computer.

#15. Then I start wondering if I'm going back to the junior high format of life. Which I really don't want to do.

#16. Start furiously hoping that somebody somewhere finds me funny. Come on world laugh at the crazy girl being crazy I know you want to.

#17. Worry that I'm over analyzing my life again, since that seems to be all I'm capable of.

#18. Worry that people wont find me funny because I can't spell and have a limited concept of grammar.

#19. Start to worry that I worry too much.

#20. Wonder why I'm spilling my guts out for anyone to come and poke at.

#21. I start worrying that I'm trying to be too much like my current fixation, Allie, from Hyperbole and a Half. So you won't find this at all funny because Allie has had at least a year to perfect her humor style and I'm just starting out.

#22. Start wondering why the hell I don't get more organized so I can just relax and get my work done.

#23. Then realize that if I do have an organization system and it gets messed up, as my line of work tends to do to things, I freak out and it make it soooo much worse.

#24. Realize that I still haven't taken my pescription to the doctor.

#25. Think why bother they are usually out of my meds anyway.

It was at this point I had to go to class. Only to find out I didn't have class. This happened again the next time we were supposed to have class. Only to find out that his TA from another test. The next time this happened the teacher was there, but had moved the midterm back another day. By the time the midterm came around my computer had broken. And I did get the meds so no worries.