Ideal Lilly

Who is the ideal Lilly?

The ideal Lilly is kind of a bad ass. Don't mean to brag, but she gets stuff done.

She's smart. She isn't afraid of putting people off with it.

She's strong. She knows how to use her body and can preform all kinds of feats with it.

She's creative. She has all these ideas and knows how to execute them.

She's self disciplined. She knows how to work with herself to make sure that she is the best she can be.

But most important of all, ideal Lilly is brave. She does not let her fear stop her.

So real Lilly is going to start by working on her most tangible fear, her fear of birds.

Butt out

So after writing that post yesterday I had a talk with my best friend. He said I was getting there. I asked what I could do, since I was kind of jealous of him getting to be around people and invited places. He said be less shy. So I started thinking, why I am shy?

Lets start with how am I shy? I have trouble putting myself out there. Talking with random people and making conversations. I can stand there and listen, invisible, but talk. I can't do.

How did this come about? I wasn't always like this. I guess the short answer is kids are mean. Really, really mean. I really don't understand how kids make friends. Because when I tried to do the whole putting myself out there thing, I was pushed out. Again, and again. I got told it was creepy to listen to people's conversations, that I shouldn't butt in. Maybe I was doing something wrong then. But I sure haven't learned the right thing to do in the past 10 years.

I'll be talking to my therapist about it. Until then...