Oh shit, I'm gonna be featured on hoarders

I know what I want out of life right now. I want a clean slate. I want to start clean out my room until nothing else remains. Then one by one getting rid of things. Until finally I have a clean room and I have scrubbed my world clean of the past and I can let go.

But letting go isn't easy for me. I find so much joy in the past. And I want to keep it all. Some of it for memories sake, some of it because I feel like a failure if I get rid of things i considered for an art project I dropped. So I'm heading back in to therapy to deal with it.

Bravery

Here is the true beauty of being impulsive, you don't have to actively think to learn things. You just do them, and if you do them right you get praise. You do them again, just as thoughtlessly as before. It's taken me years and years to figure out what being present in a moment actually means.

Its also taken me years to figure out what true friendship means. It has taken me years to figure out what work means to normal people. Impulsivity also fuels random ass connections. And I feel the world spinning without me, sometimes I'm lapping it, sometimes I'm way behind. I just want to hit pause, and go and BE somewhere, and learn all the skills that my brain has denied me. The highlands of scotland. The jungles of thailand. The fjords of norway. I want to learns skills, but first I must acquire a new skill, bravery.